Pest Control Tips


Billy The Exterminator: Paranormal Extermination

 

BILLY: The call of the wild is taking me north to battle crazy new critters. [howl] Oh yeah. Chaos in a construction site. Oh, he got me! Man, that hurt. Bit me in the fricking hand. Holy [bleep]! I didn’t do that.

And a hair-raising ghost town. -What was that? -It’s right there! Yeah! BILLY: Hey, Bea. I’ve gotta show you something pretty cool. Whoa! That’s a whole lotta poo! Is that real? BILLY: It’s just rubber, but it does look real, doesn’t it? Yeah, I feel like it should smell.

I figured this will really help us. When you get a call you can start asking the customer some details, ’cause we don’t always see the animal. If we can get good at recognizing the scat, and getting it out of the customers when they call, then I can get out there with the right equipment, the right traps.

Save us a lot of time, and of course a lot of money. Okay, quiz me. Alright, in my garden, I’m missing some vegetables, and I’m finding these pellets all throughout the garden. What color are the pellets, ma’am? I’d say that they’re tan, light brown.

You’ve got a rabbit. -Yes. -Yeah. -Absolutely. -This is great. Very useful. -Do we have any jobs coming in? -We do, actually. George, who runs a construction site, has a problem with a wild animal of some sort that’s been running around the site.

Of course the workers refused to continue to work until the animal’s been caught. Okay, Bea, I’m going to head out to the construction site. I’m gonna leave this with you. I’m just going to be very clear that this is the one and only time that I will be taking crap from you.

[both laugh] -Bye, Bea. I’ll see you later. -Bye! [♪♪♪] I’m headed to the suburbs for an epic showdown between man and beast. I got a call from George, the foreman at a construction site.

The work’s been shut down by a wild animal that got into the building and won’t get out. It will now that I’m here. Party’s over for this furry squatter. BILLY: Hey, George. GEORGE: Hey, Billy.

Thank you for coming. What’s been goin’ on? My guys called me. They were complaining that they heard some kind of an animal running around. They didn’t really catch what it was. I’ve had explanations that it was anywhere from a raccoon to coyote.

BILLY: My first problem is that I’m getting second-hand information. These guys here are chicken-[bleep], and they just left. George’s workers made the right call. A construction site and a wild animal? They go together like a piranha and a bubble bath.

You don’t know when, but you will get bit, and George is feeling a bite in the pocketbook. You’re paying these guys a ton of money and they’re just walking off the job. I’am so far behind this project.

I need this thing outta here. I need this done. I don’t think I’m gonna have enough time to set traps, wait 24 to 48 hours until we catch the animal, because that’s thousands of dollars a day.

I’ve got to go in there and find it and catch it by hand. Thank you. I’m going to take off. Thank you. Take care. BILLY: This place is massive. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is a giant building and the needle might bite me.

[♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [groans] I got something right here that doesn’t look too good. Got a bunch of hair here and it looks like it’s attached to some feces. Golly, smells like hell.

I think it’s skunk droppings. Some white hair in there. As I’m doing this inspection, I keep smelling one thing: skunk odor. It’s the strongest clue I’ve got. It just smells so bad, man.

Skunk musk is pungent, and that’s not a compliment. What a stink. Yeah, and that’s fresh too, man. Leaving food out in the open is an invitation to an infestation. Where are you? Anything moving out there? There’s always time for a drum solo.

Wait a minute, I see something. Oh yeah, I see something. I just don’t know what. Whatever it is, it’s not a skunk. There he is right there. It’s a fox. A silver fox, man. I’ve never seen one in the wild.

It’s actually a red fox by species, but a rare genetic variation gives it black and silver fur. This is so cool. A wild animal is dangerous. A wild animal indoors? Worse. He wants to get free no matter what.

This animal smells horrific. Like a skunk with bad hygiene that’s wearing skunk cologne and who got sprayed by a skunk. Foxes would rather run than fight. I’m going to use his natural instincts against him.

I got to chase him till he tires out. Let’s hope he wears out before I do. [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] Whoever said, ‘Quick like a fox,’ has never met this guy. He’s like a bullet.

We’re in a big, wide open space. I got to chase him into a contained space. That’s the only way I’m going to get my hands on him. [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] Nice, I’ve got him cornered. This is going to be fast and furio.

Gloves, live trap, let’s go. BILLY: A fox has gotten into a construction site. After chasing him to tire him out, I managed to corral him into an enclosed area. Now I’m going after him old-school, with my hands.

This is the part of the job I love and hate the most – getting face to face with a wild animal. I’ve got this guy cornered and there’s only one way out and that’s through me. Come on. Come on out, come on out.

Oh, he got me. Man, that hurt. Bit me in the fricking hand. When a fox gets cornered, it will fight, man. Kind of like this. No, exactly like this. Whoa! Back and forth. I’m going to get him though.

He’s trapped, he has nowhere to go. If I’m not paying attention every moment, this fox could get past me or even worse, bite me. [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] He got ahold of me really good. Man, it bit me.

[♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] This fox was everywhere. Horizontal, vertical. Man, fur was flying in every direction. I’ve never seen anything like it. [grunting] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [sighs] Yes, I got him, finally.

He thought I was a chew toy. This thing scared construction workers and I don’t blame them. This fox is vicious and nasty and caught. Oh yeah! You have been a pain in the neck, man. Don’t bite my arm, I’ve had enough bites from you.

You bit me. I just, that’s it. I’m hauling you out, bro. I’ve done my job, now George’s workers can do theirs. George, check it out, I got him. Wow, look at him. Look at the little guy.

Looking at the silver fox, I get it now. One worker said it was a skunk; you can smell it. Another guy thought it was a wolf; it’s a canine. They were alright. Mystery solved. GEORGE: Wow, he looks harmless.

Believe me, his bite is not to be played with. He gave me a run for my money, so I can understand why the guys were a little freaked out. Billy saved the day, we’re back on track, he saved us lots of money, and everything’s up and running again.

George can finally get his guys back to work. For a foreman, he’s one happy camper. Make sure the guys don’t leave any food around. Check for open windows, open doors, because we still have an open construction site here and I can’t say that something else won’t wander in if things are left open and unsecured.

I will, I will do so. Alright, I think our job’s done here. Now I just got to get this guy to his new home. I do have a strange request. Anything. You name it, it’s yours. There is something that I’ve always wanted to do, if you’d humor me.

Absolutely. [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] That was cool, man. Oh yeah, construction’s okay but destruction rules. [♪♪♪] [♪♪♪] This place is prime real estate for a fox. Ducks, frogs, rodents, squirrels, it’s got everything.

This fox is going to eat local and organic. You’re not going to get in trouble out here. It’s perfect. Alright, guy, you ready? Don’t come on back for revenge, alright? There you go. What’s cooking? It’s a real estate agent, actually, who’s dealing with a house that she’s got listed.

Okay. She’s freaked out because she’s hearing sounds that she’s assuming is an animal… But apparently, the house is also haunted. Whoa! A haunted house? Awesome! I have ghost- hunting equipment.

I’ve got an IR camera here. BEA: I’m sorry, what’s that? BILLY: Infrared, so you can see in the dark. Um… You have this because you’ve done this before? Oh yeah! Several times. I love ghost hunting.

Spirits can get trapped in a house just like animals. Both jobs have the same needs– the right gear, nerves of steel, and good backup. -I need you to come with me. -[Laughing] Yeah, right! -Why not? -Not happening.

What if I give you tomorrow off? -With pay? -Yes. Yes! Thank you, Bea. Now let’s get out of here. This better just be an animal. This just put the psyched in psychic. I’m geared up to bag an animal or a specter.

We are good to go, and good to ghost. We’re in the middle of nowhere. Creepy goes with forest like heavy goes with metal. This just keeps getting better. This is already the worst day of my life. BILLY: I guess this is that spooky house in the neighborhood, except there’s no neighborhood.

[spooky music] [spooky music] Thank you so much for coming. -Liz? -Yes, I’m Liz. This house creeps me out. I had an open house today, and there’s just weird sounds coming. I’m hoping it’s an animal.

The people who lived here disappeared. Stop. They didn’t pay their mortgage for a few months, the bank foreclosed on it, and now lucky me, I get this listing. I would really love for Billy to solve this tonight because I’ve got another open house tomorrow, so I want this thing done.

I want this house sold so I can get on with my life. Unfortunately, there’s no power in the house either, because that was shut off awhile ago. Oh, perfect. Okay. That’s great. It’s dark, we have no power, and we only get from now ’til sunup.

Not good, man. Wow, it is dark. BILLY: An abandoned farmhouse has been taken over by either a ghost or an animal. We have to catch it before the real estate agent’s open house tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, there’s no power in the house either, because that was shut off awhile ago.

No power in the house. Perfect. BILLY: This is a creepy old house, and no lights on in the inside, and it’s haunted. Do you hear that door? I have a bad feeling about this. Oh good, some candles. Candles? Not creepy at all.

BILLY: Okay, now I’m going to give you this IR camera, this infrared. It’ll help see what we can’t see because it’s got night vision on it. See, that’s a dark corner, but it’s completely illuminated with this camera.

I feel like I’m in a movie. I’m glad I’ve got Bea with me, just in case things go off the rail. She’s going to keep me on track. -If you see anything, alert me. -Ah! Sorry. -That’s just.

.. -What is that? That’s just something flying. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine… -Oh, there it is. -Oh my God. I feel weird here. I don’t like it. You’re looking for scat, scratch marks, hair samples.

An animal would be great. Is that something outside the window there. What? Stop it. No, really. I’m serious. -What is that? -What? I don’t know. It looks like an animal was trapped in here and scratching to get out.

It could have been a dog. Maybe not. Those are nothing compared to the scratch marks that I’ll be making if I see a ghost. BILLY: Alright, we need to check the cabinets. -Oh my God. -What, what, what? Are you kidding me? It’s a stuffed animal.

Now Bea, if you’re acting like that on a stuffed animal, what are you going to do when we find the real animal? I have no idea. This is all very new to me. This is not in my comfort zone. This is like the freaking Twilight Zone.

I want my desk. I want my chair. I want daylight. I’m getting a weird feeling in this room, man. BEA: It’s cold in here. I’m not seeing any animals up here. No, and they’ve definitely done a solid job of staging this to be a normal house.

Stop that! Stop it. [frantic crosstalk] -Look. -Okay, okay, okay. -How can I make a noise? -I didn’t do it. What the [bleep] was that? That came from downstairs. There’s only one thing downstairs– the basement.

Whoa! -Really? -Okay, not fun. Oh my God. -Hold on. -What? Damn flashlight. It’s not working. It’s a brand new flashlight. It’s not working. Come on. I’m not going down there without my gear.

Let me go get it. This flashlight’s useless. Guess what I’m adding to Billy’s equipment list? All the batteries ever. Got my–I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. This is a EMF meter right here.

It reads electromagnetic frequencies, like something happened, an energy from a murder. If there’s something supernatural going on, we should get a read on it. Okay. Stop it. What does that mean? What does that even mean? That’s not good.

Who needs an EMF reader? I can feel the hair standing up on the back of my neck. Man! My goosebumps have goosebumps. -Alright, let’s go in. -What? We’re really going to do that? Why the basement? It’s always the basement.

I hate this. Everything about this I hate. I’m walking into a dark basement. This infrared camera extends our visual spectrum. It picks up and detects things the human eye can’t see in the dark.

Can I see the camera real quick? Just a shelf with jars on it. It’s either blood or tomatoes. I don’t know what’s in those jars, but I ain’t opening them. -Ew. What’s that? -What the hell is that? I don’t know, bones.

Who can tell? Green beans, green beans. Those are green beans. Okay. Yeah. All looks great in here. I think we’re done. Here. Hang onto my shirt. We’re going to start walking. Uh-oh. That’s bad.

My meter is going crazy. The needle pinned on that one. I want out of here now. Is anybody here? What the hell. Is anybody in here? Hey, this ain’t funny. Whoa, what the hell was that? I’m going to look in that window with you.

We’re looking for just anything– An animal, shapeshifter… We’re reading something here. I know, I know, I know. Whatever this thing is, it’s close, and I can feel it. I know, I know, I know.

What was that? It’s right there, it’s right there, it’s right there. All I see is erratic movement and weird flashes of glowing eyes. BILLY: Me and Bea are working through the night in a basement of a haunted farmhouse, trying to find the source of some strange noises.

What was that? It’s right there, it’s right there, it’s right there. All I see is erratic movement and weird flashes of glowing eyes. It’s a possum. I see him. -There it is. -Oh my God! Oh my God! -There it is.

-Go, go, go! That’s no ghost. That’s an opossum. They’re not scary, but man, are they ugly! Opossum’s are nocturnal. They got beady eyes, they shine in the night, and creepy-looking with that naked tail.

It’s got to be over here somewhere. Oh! Jeez. [Bea screams] I am so over this darkness, over this job, over this basement! Billy needs to catch that opossum, and he needs to capture it now– Now, now, now! BILLY: I’m lookin’.

That little guy’s got the jump on us, man. He can see. He’s nocturnal. Me, I got sunglasses. I can’t see nothing. [screams] He’s over here now? He’s still got his sight, but Bea knocked out his hearing.

Sweetheart, you got to calm down. No, you’re scaring it everywhere. I know, I know. When you yell it runs to the other side. I got to run over there. You scream, it runs over here. You’re scaring it worse than it’s scaring you.

One hundred percent. I should probably leave and wait in the truck. She’s definitely not an opossum whisperer. -He’s over here. -‘Kay, go, go, go! Yeah, c’mon, buddy. He can see me, but I can’t see him without this camera.

Having no lights in the house makes this tough job nearly impossible. We’re working in pitch-black darkness. The infrared camera lights up whatever it’s pointing at, which is not much. Where’s my hand at? Okay, here’s my hand.

I got to try to come in and using the camera, because I got a table with a sharp edge here. Wherever it went–I got to get my hands on this thing. He’s gone. I can’t see him now. The best way to catch an opossum by hand is grab him by the tail.

It’s not pretty, but it works. There he is. Okay, here we go. Okay, I got his tail. I’m pulling him out very gently here. Careful. He is so big. Oh, he’s really giving me hell here. He doesn’t want to be held, and I don’t want his sharp teeth in my hands.

I got him, but barely. Okay, I’m going to feel my way to the stairs here. I ain’t afraid of no opossum. -Watch the steps here. -There’s a cage in the back. -Okay, okay, okay. -Barely hanging on.

Okay, let me try to get him in there. Okay, go, go, go, go! Go in there, guy. [laughing] I did it. Oh my [bleep]! Nice work! BEA: I’m pumped! He couldn’t’ve done it without me! Yeah, you ain’t so bad in there.

-What on earth is that? -BILLY: Oh hey, Liz. BILLY: That, Liz, is a possum. What is that? That looks like a possessed rat! A lot of the noises that you did hear was from this little animal or creature right here.

However… That’s not ALL the noises that you’ve been hearin’ in there. There was some weird things happening here that I can’t explain. I feel with a lot of confidence that there’s some issues here.

-You think it is haunted? -Yeah, I do. -I’m out of here! Bye! -Alright. -Your nightmare is over. -You’re driving. Of course you have the ride home with me. BEA: Just go. Even a freakish-looking critter like an opossum deserves a beautiful place to settle down.

[wolf howl] There you go, buddy. Go get yourself a frog. Alright, pal, you can haunt these wetlands all you want. Enjoy your haunts, my friend! Alright…